I am smooth again. It feels very nice, and is so much easier to slip into Barbara mode this way.
How I got this way is another story entirely.
I hadn't shaved in about 3 weeks. In my original effort, I had waxed one leg and used Veet on the other. I was intending it as a little experiment to see which lasted longer, how long did each method take, did it get easier or more effective over time, etc etc.
My first time felt amazing. My wife kept teasing me for how often she caught me fondling my calves. Later I needed to touch up and depending on what I had on hand I would Veet, or shave but I was out of the waxing paper. I lost track of what I did when and was finding the cycle of regrowth and removal kept getting out of sync. Even Veet works a little betterif the hair has grown out a bit. I would miss the shorter ones and within a few days they were then long enough to notice.
Partly to get a new starting point and partly because I wasnt feeling so feminine lately with a much reduced urge to dress, I let it grow out for three weeks or so. I wonder now if the growth made me feel less femme or the other way around.
Yesterday, I asked my wife to help with waxing one leg It hurt of course, but it is tolerable. The waxing would go better if either she had a single sadistic bone in her body, or if I was at least a little masochistic.
I had put down an old sheet on the bed, but by the end, she had some purple goo on her hands, a little on our nice 400 thread count linens and some in her hair. The infant had ceased wanting to self entertain in her walker at some point so we hurried trying to get at least one set of hands purple-sticky-free. The little vial ofoil is not enough before I dropped it. Pam cooking spray seemed to work well for solving the stickys, then soap for solving the oilys.
She announced that"I owed her". This, as if having a husband with at least one silky smooth sexy leg wasn't reward enough in and of itself! She wanted me to get creative - in the kitchen. Or she wanted new sheets. I started loadup my pockets for a trip to Mart du Wal for some Veet. She decided that a nap might be reward enough, so I grabbed our highly portable 14.5 lb one year old and headed out.
I have been doing most of the lo-cal cooking on our diets, with the exception of Dee's (***Edit*** ~Montgomery Burn's voice~ Egggscelent) egg beater omelets. I was running out of ideas. I have had a 1/2 finished version of vegetarian lasagna in the fridge and I don;t have the heart to finish it. You see lasagna was my signature dish. And definitely not low calorie. I started working on it as soon as I left home and by 19 or so, this lasagna was so good it would have gotten me laid repeatedly if not for my shyness and general all around virginity.
I got the big 13.5 oz pump bottle of Veet, trying not to remember too vividly the Alyssa Milano pitch for it. There is something unsettling about seeing pretty girls like Sam, Rudy, and Winnie grow up to be sexy. All this goes through my head with my adorable third daughter beaming up at me.
I pass the linens and sale tags catch my eye. A long time ago, when shopping for a comforter, Dee pointed out some cabbage roses she liked and I had said I wouldn't mind, it would be like I was 'visiting' some girly coed's dorm room if we got them. consciously that was the appeal, subconsciously, I think I miss sharing the girly furniture and girly bedspreads of my big sisters room I shared until about age 4. My earliest memories are filled with pretty things. Dee didnt take me up on it then. I saw a nice floral pattern with tans and greens and salmons and grabbed it. $30 for King Size comforter, top and fitted sheets and 4 pillow cases. I love Walmart. Hmm 200 thread count? Well beauty does have to pay a price in comfort. See paragraph one. Whats a little scratchyness (little did I know) for sleeping amoong flowers? We knew better then to install them directly, but we did and Dee has a probably rare Chinese rash now, they are off to the wash today.
So back to shopping, I go past the juniors section...a pause at the cute skorts on clearance. I am gaining confidence, could probably take it up to the changing room and face the nice older ladies puzzlement,With infant in arms? I think not.
Off to groceries. I toy with the idea of a sandwich. Look for the pre-prepared Guacamole which I never thought I would use but with modern processing it isn't bad. Nope they are out. I hate my local Walmart. Sam Walton must roll in his grave. He invented JIT inventory control, but my local one apparently has heard of it. Its never in time there. This morning I went again for 5 items 2 of them they were out of.
I look for fresh avacado, nope none are ripe, especially none of the haphazardly applied with "ripe" labels. Perfect if you want to wait 2 days to ripen, but I got things to do, hair to shed. Besides for 93 cents a piece, I'd rather dive for over ripe ones and trim the bad parts.
Off to frozen foods, somebody makes a lo-cal panini, that seems a waste of money to me, but admittedly they are good. Dee buys them sometimes, So I begin searching when Amy's veggie lasagna catches my eye. 310ish cals, a little more pricey then a penny a calorie, but I grab a couple anyway. (What, you mean other people don't buy food according to the dollar cost per energy unit?? How do they know if a food is worth eating?)
I check out just daring the cashier to notice I am buying a BIG bottle of Veet, 2 diet dinners and new sheets, and not be distracted by the cute kid. Cashier doesn't bite and coos over the kid completely ignoring my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, knee highs and extremely cute periwinkle size nine Keds. What does a girl have to do to be noticed anyway???
At home the frozen dinner was delicious although I couldn't resist adding some fat-free mozzarella and a pinch of Parmesan, basil. caraway, and oregano to mine. Dee loved the sheets (well not after sleeping on them, but they are pretty!) I loved being really smooth after the veet.
Nor so much though the Veet that strayed onto the freshly waxed leg, nor the gouge I made AGAIN at the crease of my leg with the little scrapper thingy. That hurts!...and I bet even if I do complain, the company is not likely to send Alyssa over to kiss it better.
SO the cost?
$6-7 bucks for the Veet, same for the wax I think.
Sticky fingers - free
New sheets $30
A little pain waxing. A lot of pain getting Veet on tender skin.
Bribe of lunch $7 ish
Feeling smooth - priceless
How I got this way is another story entirely.
I hadn't shaved in about 3 weeks. In my original effort, I had waxed one leg and used Veet on the other. I was intending it as a little experiment to see which lasted longer, how long did each method take, did it get easier or more effective over time, etc etc.
My first time felt amazing. My wife kept teasing me for how often she caught me fondling my calves. Later I needed to touch up and depending on what I had on hand I would Veet, or shave but I was out of the waxing paper. I lost track of what I did when and was finding the cycle of regrowth and removal kept getting out of sync. Even Veet works a little betterif the hair has grown out a bit. I would miss the shorter ones and within a few days they were then long enough to notice.
Partly to get a new starting point and partly because I wasnt feeling so feminine lately with a much reduced urge to dress, I let it grow out for three weeks or so. I wonder now if the growth made me feel less femme or the other way around.
Yesterday, I asked my wife to help with waxing one leg It hurt of course, but it is tolerable. The waxing would go better if either she had a single sadistic bone in her body, or if I was at least a little masochistic.
I had put down an old sheet on the bed, but by the end, she had some purple goo on her hands, a little on our nice 400 thread count linens and some in her hair. The infant had ceased wanting to self entertain in her walker at some point so we hurried trying to get at least one set of hands purple-sticky-free. The little vial ofoil is not enough before I dropped it. Pam cooking spray seemed to work well for solving the stickys, then soap for solving the oilys.
She announced that"I owed her". This, as if having a husband with at least one silky smooth sexy leg wasn't reward enough in and of itself! She wanted me to get creative - in the kitchen. Or she wanted new sheets. I started loadup my pockets for a trip to Mart du Wal for some Veet. She decided that a nap might be reward enough, so I grabbed our highly portable 14.5 lb one year old and headed out.
I have been doing most of the lo-cal cooking on our diets, with the exception of Dee's (***Edit*** ~Montgomery Burn's voice~ Egggscelent) egg beater omelets. I was running out of ideas. I have had a 1/2 finished version of vegetarian lasagna in the fridge and I don;t have the heart to finish it. You see lasagna was my signature dish. And definitely not low calorie. I started working on it as soon as I left home and by 19 or so, this lasagna was so good it would have gotten me laid repeatedly if not for my shyness and general all around virginity.
I got the big 13.5 oz pump bottle of Veet, trying not to remember too vividly the Alyssa Milano pitch for it. There is something unsettling about seeing pretty girls like Sam, Rudy, and Winnie grow up to be sexy. All this goes through my head with my adorable third daughter beaming up at me.
I pass the linens and sale tags catch my eye. A long time ago, when shopping for a comforter, Dee pointed out some cabbage roses she liked and I had said I wouldn't mind, it would be like I was 'visiting' some girly coed's dorm room if we got them. consciously that was the appeal, subconsciously, I think I miss sharing the girly furniture and girly bedspreads of my big sisters room I shared until about age 4. My earliest memories are filled with pretty things. Dee didnt take me up on it then. I saw a nice floral pattern with tans and greens and salmons and grabbed it. $30 for King Size comforter, top and fitted sheets and 4 pillow cases. I love Walmart. Hmm 200 thread count? Well beauty does have to pay a price in comfort. See paragraph one. Whats a little scratchyness (little did I know) for sleeping amoong flowers? We knew better then to install them directly, but we did and Dee has a probably rare Chinese rash now, they are off to the wash today.
So back to shopping, I go past the juniors section...a pause at the cute skorts on clearance. I am gaining confidence, could probably take it up to the changing room and face the nice older ladies puzzlement,With infant in arms? I think not.
Off to groceries. I toy with the idea of a sandwich. Look for the pre-prepared Guacamole which I never thought I would use but with modern processing it isn't bad. Nope they are out. I hate my local Walmart. Sam Walton must roll in his grave. He invented JIT inventory control, but my local one apparently has heard of it. Its never in time there. This morning I went again for 5 items 2 of them they were out of.
I look for fresh avacado, nope none are ripe, especially none of the haphazardly applied with "ripe" labels. Perfect if you want to wait 2 days to ripen, but I got things to do, hair to shed. Besides for 93 cents a piece, I'd rather dive for over ripe ones and trim the bad parts.
Off to frozen foods, somebody makes a lo-cal panini, that seems a waste of money to me, but admittedly they are good. Dee buys them sometimes, So I begin searching when Amy's veggie lasagna catches my eye. 310ish cals, a little more pricey then a penny a calorie, but I grab a couple anyway. (What, you mean other people don't buy food according to the dollar cost per energy unit?? How do they know if a food is worth eating?)
I check out just daring the cashier to notice I am buying a BIG bottle of Veet, 2 diet dinners and new sheets, and not be distracted by the cute kid. Cashier doesn't bite and coos over the kid completely ignoring my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, knee highs and extremely cute periwinkle size nine Keds. What does a girl have to do to be noticed anyway???
At home the frozen dinner was delicious although I couldn't resist adding some fat-free mozzarella and a pinch of Parmesan, basil. caraway, and oregano to mine. Dee loved the sheets (well not after sleeping on them, but they are pretty!) I loved being really smooth after the veet.
Nor so much though the Veet that strayed onto the freshly waxed leg, nor the gouge I made AGAIN at the crease of my leg with the little scrapper thingy. That hurts!...and I bet even if I do complain, the company is not likely to send Alyssa over to kiss it better.
SO the cost?
$6-7 bucks for the Veet, same for the wax I think.
Sticky fingers - free
New sheets $30
A little pain waxing. A lot of pain getting Veet on tender skin.
Bribe of lunch $7 ish
Feeling smooth - priceless
5 comments:
You are so cute at times, do you know that? Btw, what brand of wax? Veet never seems to work well enough for me, and I'm hating shaving lately.
*kisses*
The sheets are very nice, and as soon as the swelling on my face goes away, I am sure they will be even nicer. Smooth legs are nice too. But no more purple goo :)
Oh yeah, and only "very good" for my low cal, low low fat, tasty omelets??? That better be upgraded to an outstanding or next time, your omelet might get mangled ;)
I am mad at Veet now. I went to their website and they had a $2 off coupon. I hit click to print. They mean click to have a chance to give them personal information. Ok so I bit, I mean for $2 why not risk a public outing as a crossdresser? Then next meant you gotta install some active X software. Yeah I know trusted third party vendor yada yada, privacy important yada yada right...
SO I went to complain. They want name address, etc etc before you can forward a gripe about privacy!!!!!!
I'm not holding my breath waiting for Alyssa to call with the companies apology.
I the wax was Sally Hansen. I think I shouldn't nuked it to make it more pliable. Ive tried their brand of sugar wax too, and Nad's it better and comes with washable re-usable cloths instead of paper strips.
And Dee, how was the edit? My omelette this morning was tre delicioso.
Much better. For you, tomorrow morning, a special omelet :)
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