Smooth again soon.

I stopped shaving and waxing now almost 2 months ago. I'm back to my macho furry self, and its really hard to feel femme like that. Funny how I miss it since I went most of my life that way without any angst over body hair.

As I have mentioned previously I think, I realize that many people with gender identity issues have very real feelings of dislike for their birth gender. I have never had this diaspora towards my gender. I have long admired the other gender and sometimes wished I was, but in reality I would prefer to be fluid in my gender expression and able to float between the two.

I stopped shaving because I had an idea about dressing up as a good friend of mine who passed away several years ago. Will used to wear a leather vest (With a .45 ACP in a shoulder holster.) I found a similar vest in a thrift store. My wife really likes my face with a beard so the plan was to let my beard grow for a month, shave the beard for Halloween leaving a mustache like Will's When I knew him he was bald n top friar tuck style. I am balding, but not quite that sparse. I was going to leave a fringe and go as him as kind of a tribute.

So abo0ut this time a job I had applied online clear back in June called. I have an actual profession that on an hourly basis pays up to 10 times what the new job pays, but my assignments have been painfully sporadic. I have no benefits, health care, retirement, etc etc.

The new job is in an environment about as macho as it comes. I wanted the job. I felt antsy as the interview approached not about the interview but because I felt I couldn't shave because there might be a physical. If I had the job I would hope I would be brave enough to groom my body as I see fit, but I am no crusader for the transgendered. SO the interview went well I thought, I came home and shaved my head and face which felt good, but not specifically femme. The next step was a background check and then a physical, 2-3 weeks I thought. I figured I could wait.

As the weeks dragged into over a month and I didn't hear, I grew depressed, mostly I think because I can't even get what seems like a fairly basic job. I finally had some break-throughs on the femme side. I have gotten some tips on my, er, technique from a bi-sexual friend, to rave reviews from Dee who had had no complaints previously. She reports that she was able to see and feel me as Barbara, even en homme, and that felt good and validating.

Last night a weird number came across the display on my caller id, it was only 4 digits. I thought it was the automated reminder that my payment on the phone was overdue. I picked it up and hung it up. Fortunately they called back. Thinking the computer needed a couple of seconds connection before it would release the call, I answered. It was the job.

They made me an offer, I accepted it. They wondered when I wanted to schedule the physical. I said ASAP!!!!!! I am leaving to make the 550 mile round trip now. I plan to be smooth as can be by Saturday!