Oh, the case fell down on my head.....

My Liz Claiborne sweater-top was on the bed in our room after we came home. My wife, knowing I was in a femme sort of frame of mind today thought I had gotten it out. I hadn't.

She queried the 13 year old who gave the explanation above as to how she happened accross this located at the bottom of the make0up case with a few femme items and make-up and my wig that m wife had sent up as a "comfort package" when I was living alone at a residence dormitory for my job.

She then brightly went on to explain that when she "happened upon" the case in the top shelf of the closet in our master bedroom she found a wig. Which she put on and proceeded to parade around outside the house in. My wife's sister happened to be driving by and thought from a distance that it was my wife given the hair color is in the ball park of a box of Miss Clairol that my wife sometimes uses.

Now my wife feels she needs to be thinking of a reason she owns a high quality wig that her sister has never seen her wear.

A modicum of privacy in my own bedroom would be nice. I mean Barbara has been residing in the closet (on the top shelf no less. Leave her alone.

This child regularly borrows my shoes because as she points out they are a size and a half too big for my wife and only a 1/2 size too big for her. she has also appropriated two of my bras with similar logic pointing out that they aren't my wife's size.

I've half a mind to tell her "Leave my transvestite gear the hell alone!"

We're Pretty Sure He's Gay, Mom....

My wife was harangued into sitting down with the kids and playing their current favorite video game. It is one of those virtual cities things where you walk around and interact with characters for no apparent reason other than to see what is around the next block in the tableau.

There is a character in the place who is apparently a wolf. The explained he was the gay character.

"Really?" said my wife, "How can you tell?"

"Duh!" they responded, "He is wearing a dress!"

"You are gonna have to field this one," she tells me.

Don't think I'm touching that.

Reluctantaly Manipulated.

I was at a loss what to get my better half for her Birthday. If money were no object it would be simple, just get her the latest Canon Rebel. Money is extremely tight though as my income just dropped by 65% and expenses are about the same.

I had in mind making a small cash donation to a fund that would help her begin saving for a replacement for her current failing camera. It hesitates and takes several tries to get the shutter to release and basically is worthless for impromptu shots.

We drove from the small farming town we reside in about an hour and a 1/2 to a town that I hoped I could browse maybe some thrifts or a pawn shop. No thrifts seemed extant and the one pawn was panned in review by a local we asked. We even struggled to find a non=chain place to eat and were pleased with a small eclectic looking Mexican food restaurant that had incredible rellanos. (I'll save the review of that for my yet-to-be-created foodie blog.)

Anyway we went to Walmart, because as long as we were here the other nearest one is 40-50 miles the other direction. She made a beeline for the cameras, giving a wistful look. She pointed out some that she would be 'happy' with although they aren't her ideal but they were maybe 1/6 the cost of the Rebel. I worried its money kinda thrown away if it doesn't do what she needs in a camera and will just be put aside when she can finally get what she needs. Then I (and we) engaged in some circular economic logic..."We cant afford A but for only $30 more, is another 2 megapixels, and for another 60 from there is better optics, and for $#20 more more zoom..."

I told her lets walk a bit while I think it over...we were just passing the purses and accessories. I turned my head slightly when I felt my breath catch a little. Not sure why. Part of me wanted to stay in male/logic mode to make a sound decision that is kind of important because money is so tight. Part of me wanted to avoid turning "her day" into a "Barbara day". Like for example since we were going to another town, know one knew us I thought of going en femme but that wouldn't be appropriate when the focus is on her birthday. That and the baby is old enough now that I am not comfortable dressing around her.

I thought my mental realignment went un-noticed. She paused and said, Oh lets look at purses! I tried to resist a bit, and she grinned and said, "I'm sensing a presence here..." Then it became a game, she tormented me, I tried to resist, she though I played it a little coy. Perceptions.

My favorite (and her most effective ploy) was when she pulled a pattern out that was similar to the dress I described Audrey Hepburn wearing in Sabrina.

The point of the teasing back and forth is that it is well known that Barbara likes to shop and the other guy is a tightwad. Bottom line she is really really happy with the upper-mid-range camera she got for her birthday.

You are NOT doing farm chores in high heels.

...."You are NOT Daisy Duke!" said my wife (To the thirteen year old.)

Funny. I had actually thought of doing a photo shoot of me in heels. Say, hanging wash on the line with the pasture in the background. Hadn't thought of it as Daisy-esque at the time. Daisy Duke is a fine rolemodel for transvestites, I think.